One Year in Heaven

Yesterday was Little Danny's first heavenly birthday. It was a bitter sweet day. I wanted it to be a celebration. A celebration that he has been with the Lord for a year. Wow, what a wonderful place to be. Oh, how I long to be there one day with him.

On the other hand it was sad, knowing we have been without him for a year. It's so hard to believe that a year has already passed. It seems like time goes by so fast. We wanted to celebrate his birthday to remember him and what a blessing he is to our lives. We got a birthday cake, and a balloon to put on his grave. We also released some balloons in his memory. Here are some pictures.

Little Danny,
I wonder if heaven celebrated your heavenly birthday yesterday. I like to think so. I hope you are having lots of fun up there with all your new friends. Daddy and mommy love and miss you very much. We hope to see you soon.

Twin Update

First, I want to thank everyone who has been praying for us and the twins. I just wanted to give a quick update to let everyone know how things are going. GOD IS SO GOOD! The twins are doing great. I am almost 29 weeks now. At our last doctor's appointment the doctor said both babies fluid levels are at normal, and he does not see any sign of Twin to Twin Transfusion. PRAISE THE LORD! Both babies are growing and gaining weight well. Christopher (Baby A) weighs 2lbs 7oz, and Caleb (Baby B)...is our big boy, weighing in at 3lbs 6oz. Wow, how far we have come! We are so thankful. God is truly faithful. We are praying that I can make it at least until October 19th or beyond, which will be 35 weeks or more. It's amazing to see God at work!

I appreciate each person that takes time to read our story. Thanks again for all the prayers. Please continue to keep us lifted up.

There's a Miracle in the Making

Hello everyone...I know it has been some time since I have posted. So, I have a lot of catching up to do. We found out that we do not have monamniotic twins, Duke was able to find a membrane which means we have Diamniotic twins. Danny and I were so relieved to hear that news. On June 14th we found out that the twins are boys. I was really happy to find out that they were boys. I kept thinking about having to pack up Little Danny's room, and it was not something I was looking forward to. Finding out we are having boys made it so much easier on me. Most of his things can just be passed down to his brothers. I have packed up a very few things that were specially made for him, that I wanted to keep as his.

Well, this pregnancy has been pretty tough on me. Thank goodness that the morning sickness has now passed. I lost a total of 15 lbs., but I have finally now gained it all back.

With every doctor's appointment we have had ultrasounds done, which is nice. I have a whole collection of pictures already. All the appointments were going great...until June 28th. The doctor came in after the ultrasound and told us that in all diamniotic twin pregnancies there is a 15% chance to develop twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. Which is where one baby takes too much nutrition and the other one does not get enough. They measure the amniotic fluid around each baby to determine if this is happening. When the receipient baby has more than 8 oz. of fluid and the donor baby has less then 2 oz. of fluid is the first sign of twin to twin transfusion. The doctor told me that it looked like I could possibly be developing this. She told me that baby A had 3 oz of fluid and baby B had 7 oz. of fluid. All I could do was cry. I thought...how could this be. I've already had to go through losing Little Danny and now there is a possiblity that I could loose these two as well. No, I don't know if I can go through this again. Well, we left the doctors office that day very discouraged, but still hopeful. We know that with God all things are possible. We determined to place the situation in the Lord's hands. He gave us these babies and He can very well take care of them. God can part the Red Sea, he can hold back the waters of Jordan, therefore I know that he can stabilize amniotic fluid.

Since then we have been praying, fasting, and believing that God keep these babies healthy. We have had weekly visits since June 28th. With every visit it would seem that we were closer and closer to twin to twin transfusion developing. On July 16th, the amniotic fluid around baby A was only 2.5% and baby B was 9%. The doctors said even though baby B is above 8% because baby A was not under 2% yet and the babies themselves look good, they would not intervene at this time. We just kept praying and believing that God would work a miracle without man's intervention.

Then came the good news! The last appointment we went to on July 23rd they told us that baby B's fluid was still the same, but baby A's fluid had gone up to 5.3%. Praise the Lord! God answers prayer. I thank the Lord for his faithfullness. He has worked and is working a miracle for us. Our next appointment is August 6th. Please just continue to keep all of us in your prayers.

Twins

This past Friday I was having some pain in my right side. So, the doctor asked me to come in on Monday. The doctor examined me and listened to the baby's heartbeat. She said everything seemed okay, but wanted me to go the hospital for an ultrasound (her ultrasound tech was not in) just to be on the safe side. During the ultrasound the tech asked me if I've had an ultrasound with this pregnancy yet. I told her yes, it was when I was at six weeks. She asked if we were able to see anything at that time. I started getting a little worried when she asked me that, but I told her, "yes, but the baby was so small and we could just barely see the heartbeat." Then came the words that totally shocked me. She asked, "Did they tell you it was two?"

Two...are you serious!!! She turned the screen so that I could see them. Sure enough there they were. Two of them! I was speechless. All I could do was cry. I couldn't wait to leave the hospital so I could call Danny and tell him the news. I am just amazed!

Well, after finding out this news, my doctor wanted to see me back on Tuesday. They did another ultrasound at the doctors office just to confirm what the hospital had told them. Then my doctor came in and talked to me. She told me they are very concerned because they believe that I have Monoamniotic twins. Which means they share the same amniotic sac. There is no seperation between the babies. This occurs in only 1% of twin pregnancies. She decided it would be best to send me to Duke. I have researched Monoamniotic twins on the internet. Some of the information can be kind of scary. However, I have full trust in the Lord. I told Danny that this is the way the Lord likes to work. When we have to put all of our faith, hope, and trust in the Lord, and lean completely on Him, He will never let us down. The Lord likes to work in these types of situations. When all people can say is....But God!

I thank the Lord for entrusting me with Little Danny and now these twins. All I can do is be the best mommy I know how to be with the Lords help. Please keep all of us in your prayers.

6 months

Monday, April 5th was 6 months since Little Danny went to be with the Lord. Has it really been 6 months? Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday that I held him in my arms, and sometimes it feels like it's been forever since I kissed his little cheek. I still miss him so much. Most days these days are good. I don't cry as much anymore.  I still look at his picture that is right beside my bed everyday. My heart still longs to be with him. However, I still find peace in knowing that he is in the arms of Jesus, and that one day I will be with him, where we will never have to part again.

Well, I guess the dream that I had in February wasn't just the pizza I ate. God was telling me something very special, because in March we found out that we are going to be parents again! We are totally excited and are praying that everything goes well. Please keep us in your prayers.

I had a doctor's appointment on April 5th. I was able to see baby #2's heartbeat for the first time. I was very excited! I thought about how God gives us such good blessings. When I woke up that morning I thought about how 6 months ago I heard the dreaded words no mommy should ever have to hear, "there is no heartbeat", and how sad I was that day. However, by the end of the day on April 5th, I thought about how God is so good to his children, that He allowed me to see the heartbeat of our second child that day. He knew that I needed something special that day to brighten my spirtis. He always knows what you need when you need it. This child will never take the place of Little Danny, he will always be our first child and will always have a special place in our hearts. But I thank God for giving us another child, and I give Him all the praise and honor for it.

Dreaming of Easter

With Easter approaching this Sunday, my memory brings me back to a dream that I had when I was pregnant with Little Danny. About a month before we lost him, which would have been in September, I had a dream about Easter. When I had the dream I thought it strange, since September is long after Easter. I even remember questioning, "Why in the world would I have a dream about Easter in September?"

In my dream I was holding Little Danny, he was probably about a year old. He was in a cute little Easter outfit and he was holding a white Easter basket that had colored eggs in it. They were so brightly colored. I remember them being a bright yellow, pink, green, blue...I remember thinking how bright everything was. The grass was so green and the sky was so blue. I remember my mom and older sister being there with us and everyone was so happy.  Little Danny was talking to my younger sister on the phone, and he said, "I love you, Ciao." And we all started laughing. I remember thinking, "Okay that was weird."

Now that time has passed, I completely understand the dream. I thank God for the dream. Easter represents  the resurrection. Eveything being so bright is God's way of showing me that Little Danny is in heaven today. I looked up the definition of the Italian word Ciao. This is what it said, "an acknowledgment that can be used to say hello or goodbye." I wonder if that is why he used the Italian word, instead of using the English word, Goodbye. Because Ciao can mean hello or goodbye. I believe it was God's way of allowing Little Danny to tell us goodbye for now....but Easter (the resurrection) is coming, and then he will say hello to us again.

I look forward to that day, when I will see the Lord face to face. I will know as He knows. I will be reunited with Little Danny and all my loved ones that have gone before me. Oh, what a day that will be!

Here are the words to the song, "What A Day That Will Be", that says it so well.

There is coming a day when no heartaches shall come


No more clouds in the sky, no more tears to dim the eye.

All is peace forevermore on that happy golden shore,

What a day, glorious day that will be.



What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see,

And I look upon His face,

The One who saved me by His grace;

When He takes me by the hand

And leads me through the Promised Land,

What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there, no more burdens to bear,

No more sickness, no pain, no more parting over there;

And forever I will be with the One who died for me,

What a day, glorious day that will be.



What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see,

And I look upon His face,

The One who saved me by His grace;

When He takes me by the hand

And leads me through the Promised Land,

What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day, glorious day that will be!

Unexpected Blessings

The other day a friend sent me an email about an unexpected blessing she received. She told me about how she went into a convenient store and she lost her credit card. After looking all over the store, the cashier asked if it might be under a rack at the front of the store. She looked behind it to see what looked like her credit card...underneath the rack. She pulled the rack out to find not only her credit card, but also a $5.00 bill. Like she said, it wasn't much, but it was an unexpected blessing, in an unexpected place. Finally, she said something that has stuck with me since. She said,  "I guess sometimes we have to lose something in order to find something more that God has for us." I thought about how loosing Little Danny has changed my life. I now cherish life more. I have felt God's love, peace, and comfort in my life like never before.  God has opened my eyes to more of His unexpected blessings. If we just open our eyes, it's amazing how many blessings we will see. I also know that without a doubt God has something more for me. I am just waiting in anticipation to see how abundantly he chooses to bless!

Lord, even though we may find them in unexpected places, I thank you for your abundant blessings. I pray that you help each of us to not over look the unexpected blessings that you place in our lives.

Living For Today

Living for today...sounds so easy. Is it really? I have found myself living in the past...holding on to the time God allowed me to have with Little Danny. On the other hand I find myself wishing for the future to come ever so quickly, hoping God chooses to bless us with another child.

I listened to a sermon from Jentzen Franklin yesterday titled 7,478 days. He started out by saying "This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." Wow! Have you ever heard something so many times, but then hear it again, and it's like a light bulb goes off. It was amazing. This is the day...not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today is the day the Lord has made. He has made this day...what am I doing with it? Jentzen Franklin talked about how the devil wants to steal your joy by keeping your thoughts either in the past or in the future. The Lord has given me this day...and I will rejoice and be glad in it.

I will not allow the devil to steal my joy any longer. I will rejoice!

Dream A Little Dream

I know some people don't put much stock into dreams, but I do. Of course some crazy dreams that you have are just due to the pizza you ate before you went to sleep. But there are times when you have a dream that sticks with you. Those are the dreams that I believe God gives you. Well, the other night I had one of those dreams that has stuck with me. I dreamed that I was taking the clothes out of the washing machine (don't know why I would dream about doing laundry...not really my favorite thing to do!!), anyway, I would hold up the piece of clothing to look at it before I put it into the dryer. What makes this dream stand out to me was what I was putting into the dryer...onesies (I guess I spelled that right). And the last one that I held up had in bright colors written HAPPY BIRTHDAY across the front. I don't know what this dream means...if it means anything. Only time will tell. God has given me dreams before that I have no doubt were from Him. So there is no telling what God is up to. I just pray for His will to be done in my life that He may be glorified.  I am excited to see what God has in store...whatever that may be.

Where Did I Lose My Victory?

Danny preached a message yesterday morning titled, "Where Have We Lost Our Victory?" Boy, did this hit home for me. The past few weeks have been so hard for me. I felt like I had lost my victory. I looked back yesterday thinking, "Where did I lose my victory, and how can I get it back?" There are times in your life when you get knocked down so hard that you don't know how to get back up. Yesterday, I realized that is where is where I am. I've been knocked down so hard that I don't know how to get up. But I also realized that I am not able to get up through my own strength. It's times like this that all you can do is hold on to Jesus... let Him pick you up. It may be a slow process, but if you allow Him, He will not fail you. I am still  learning that. I know things in life may not always go the way you expect them to. I know that sometimes in life we will experience things that knock us down...hard. However, when times like these come I want to be walking so close to the Lord that I allow Him to pick me up. And that I am able say that through the power of Jesus Christ, I still have victory. I know that I am still going to have bad days and good days for a long time to come. However, He has been with me through it all and will continue to be with me in the days to come.  

Eternity

This week has been a blur...some days, some weeks can go by and I am "okay", however there are some days, and some weeks where I don't  feel so "okay". This past week was one of them. Thursday it all hit me. I came tumbling down like a ton of bricks. It's funny how life is...sitting at work, surrounded on every side by people, however you feel like you are a 100 miles away...all alone, wanting to just break down and cry but you fight so hard to hold  back the tears, because you know that if you let just one out that it will become a flowing river. However, you can only act so strong for so long before you just have to let it all go. Danny always knows when something is on my mind. I'm so glad that he is always right there for me when the rivers do start to flow.

Sometimes I feel like I am on an emotional rollercoaster. These feelings are so hard for me to deal with because I have always been a very positive person. I usually don't let things get me down. I know, however that this is different. It's just hard for me to allow myself to be weak. However, even through all of these emotions I know that God is teaching and moulding me into what He wants me to be. Some days I just miss Little Danny soooo much I can hardly stand it. It feels as though my heart is breaking inside me. Some days I just want to hold him, and all I can do is cry, because I know that I can't...at least not right now.

However when I stand back and look at the big picture, I know that I will be with him again. Only this time it will be in heaven for all eternity. Stop and evaluate the word, E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y. WOW!!! James 4:14 says, "Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." When you stop to think of  how short our lives really are compared to eternity, it's really not that long. I went to the movies tonight with some friends from work. We saw Dear John, which was a really good movie. Anyway, in the movie they tell each other, "See ya soon" anytime they had to leave each other. So tonight I say "See ya soon." to my sweet baby boy. See ya soon in Eternity.

5 Years Ago

I know that it's been a while since my last blog. I just have been getting my thoughts together. Yesterday was mine and Danny's 5th anniversary! Wow, it doesn't seem like 5 years. 5 years ago I would have never guessed that we would have gone through all that we have together. The key word is "together". We are stronger as a couple for all that we have gone through. The card he bought me was so sweet. There is a part in it that says, "...and feeling our worries melt away in the warmth of each other's arms..." I can say that has been especially true this past year. We have needed each other more with each passing day, and I can say that he has been right there by my side. I am so very blessed to have him as my husband. I know that the Lord has great things ahead for us. 

Precious Memories...2009

2009 was a year I will never forget, and a year that is hard to leave behind. I was pregnant for most of the year. We found out we were pregnant with Little Danny in February. In 2009 I was as happy as I have ever been, finding out we were finally going to be parents! And in that same year as sad and broken hearted as I have ever been, finding out the hurt and pain of losing your only child.

I have learned alot this past year. I've learned to not take life for granted and to cherish every moment of it. I've learned not to let a day go by without letting the one's you love know how much they mean to you. Those of you who have children, I hope that you know what you have is so very precious. Love your children...hug them, kiss them, hold them. That is something that I only had a short opportunity to do with Little Danny...and everyday I wish that I had more time to do . You have that right now, so don't let that time slip by, because life is too short and it is over before we know it.

I've also learned that even when we don't understand, we can find comfort in Jesus. I have learned first hand that no matter how dark things may seem, when you call on Him, He will always be right there for you, He knows your hurt and He cares for you. He has been my source of strength through it all.

With another year, it brings new hopes and dreams. I pray that God continues to heal my broken heart, and that He continues to give me strength from day to day. I pray that God blesses us with another child. I pray that the Lord blesses me with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child. Most of all I pray that I will have a closer walk with the Lord and that my life will be an example to others. And above all of my hopes, dreams,  and desires, I want His will to be done in my life.