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Today I found out that a friend from work is pregnant. Before I go on, I want to be clear that I am very happy for her and I hope and pray that she has a happy, healthy baby. She has known for some time and just didn't want to say anything for a while. I also want to express that I do appreciate her being considerate of my feelings. She wanted our supervisor to tell me before she announced it to everyone else.

I just hate that she had to worry about me before announcing such good news. I hate that everyone feels like they have to watch thier words around me. I hate being "the girl who's baby died." I didn't choose that label. I wish this never happened to me, but it did. This is the hand that I have been dealt. I don't know why, I've probably asked God a thousand times. He hasn't answered me yet. But He did tell me that His grace is sufficient.

It's like the song says, "Even if He showed me, the hurt would be the same cause I'm still here so far away from home."  Even if I knew why God chose to take him, it wouldn't take the hurt that I feel away, because I am still not with him. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that one day I will see him again. I pray that we will get pregnant again...soon. Not that another child will take his place. No one could ever take his place. He will always be our first child. He will always have a special place in my heart. But being pregnant again will allow me to feel that joy once again. It will also hopefully take the label of "the girl who's baby died" away, and replace it with "the girl who is full of joy." I know that day will come. I just wish it was sooner than later.

For those of you who read my blog, I appreciate you caring about my feelings enough to continue to read. I would love for you to become a follower so that I know you are reading. Please feel free to leave comments as well. I would love to know your thoughts.